brignngngng!

the door censor goes off as i walk in

it's just me n the saleslady at the thrift shop

she keeps telling me how good this 75 dollar queen-size used mattress is

so good, she says, rubbing it

i had a nice mattress…i say

she’s like 100, i don’t think she hears me

you’ll love this, she says, sitting down on it

i can hear the metal springs grrooaan as she bounces

i had a nice mattress…but it got punctured with a knife a bunch of times *i think to myself*

so good, she says more excitedly, biting her lip, stroking it with both hands

i had a nice mattress…but it got soaked in blood

she closes her eyes, head back, arms strretchhed, 

hands gripping the sides,

moving her legs in a way

that's got her dress climbing up them

exposing white flesh

and whiter flesh

and more wh—

bright pink (!?)

brignngngng!

a group of teenagers walk in

interrupting the show

i’ll take it, 

i tell her 

as she hikes her dress back up 

i pay cash 

we tied it to the top of my VW bus 

and i drive it home

carl, my neighbor, helps me carry it up the stairs

and into my apartment

where’s heather? he says

why’s it so cold in here?

why’s it reek of bleach?

cuz i just got my asshole done carl, i say, pushing him out

*slam door*

i wake up next to heather

i fool around with her some

but it’s not that good ...

i have a realization

i’m just not that into her anymore

damn

i think it’s time to dump her

. . .

i invite the thrift store lady back to my apartment

she's so old…

was probably going to die in her sleep tonight of old age anyway…

i duct tape her into a ball

*the sound duct tape makes when you rip it from the roll*

glchchglchrfphtfrippcht 

so all that's exposed is three holes (ass, pussy, mouth) (hee hee hee!)

she is muuch hotter like this 

a few days later i decide it’s time to move on 

i spot pinhead carl

and his pinhead wife and 8 pinhead children walking back from taco bell.

as they're climbing up the stairs 

i roll her like a bowling ball

knocking them all down

ssttrriike

oh shit,

the apartment complex is going up in flames!

i save carl's wife and two daughters

put em in the back of my van and go

i'm a hero

and when you save a life

that life is yours to take

if you want it

we're going to have lots of fun girls 

i mean women 

/

i mean whatever you identify as 

/

it's cool with me 

/ 

ur life is short

/ 

be what makes you happy now

/

cuz tomorrow

/ 

you could be dead 

/

slash/slash/slash

/

hee hee hee!