just a normal day in america 2022

>at work, hideout in a janitor's closet in the middle of a mass shooting… with this b!!tch i’ve been trying to have sex with for YEARS but she's always rejected me 

>gunshots , screams , getting closer , wanna fuck? i ask, half-joking, and  Miraculously  she says “screw it, we're probably going to die.” 

>no way to lock door…i sign to her that we could hold it shut but no point bc he’ll figure we’re in here n just shoot through, so best to just hope he walks by

::gunshots getting closer:: this is awesome, i whisper.  ::gunshots gettin so close:: “fuck”, she whimpers, …door handle turns, she closes her eyes as the door opens—i’m lost in the moment, i don’t care if i die—i’m cummminggg in her face--the shooter is in shock and awe, i wink at him and he fist bumps me, holy shit, he says, laughing, (i’m boutta tell him he can have a turn, but he goes on to say:) u guys deserve to live, ima spare u, and leaves us unharmed. 

>she's now my wife.  and i always look back on that day so sad for everyone that died but it was the greatest day of my life. 

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