renovating 4

 She tell ppl all the time she's a "pisces" as justification for always talking about her writing 

like an annoying lil bitch 

like right now she sayn: 

My pieces that I have been working on lately, my words, my stuff, my prose, my poetry, (*gag*) it's all gravitating towards a—

I interrupt her:

by whipping my dick out and peeing into the snow

i point at the symbols my piss is making

LOOK!

My pee says: 

SHUT THE FUCK UP

NOBODY CARES

YOU’RE NOT A GENIUS

YOU FUCKING SUCK ACTUALLY

GIVE IT UP

IT’S SO CRINGE

20 YEARS OF BEING A SUCKY ASS WRITER 

UR NEVER GOING TO MAKE A BAG OFF IT U DELUSIONAL BITCH 

SO EMBARASSING

SO STUPID 

FUCK U 

are you breaking up with me? she asks 

.

i am the special guest

for this community college "inspired life" workshop

i've never done this before and have no credentials

but i lied on my application

cuz i need the money and this seems easy

i come out to my theme song

with a 360 flourish i grab the mic

and begin

pacing the stage

gesticulating

fluctuating my voice like a real pro

life.

who knows man

just enjoy it

man

it's BeAuTifUl 

today  is a glorious day

just jam 

get out there and

just

jam

live laugh love  everyday

those are the 3 secrets

the 3 keys

i point at a student in the crowd

it all starts with ur  ATTITUDE!

if u believe in urself then the world is your oyster

you could do anything

eat that oyster

or

pet the oyster 

and that's the beauty of it

wake up!

and smell the flowers

ya!

life.

nobody likes me

there's so many opportunities

and people to meet

and that's wut is so beautiful about life

u can get enjoyment out of any situation like

just do it

get out there

fuck

u can do anything u want

u can be anyone

now i want u all to chant with me

just jam

just jam

come on everybody

i'm disgusting

u gotta learn to love ur self

ur whole self

even ur flaws, ok

cuz we r all worth it

if u put ur mind to it

anything is possible! 

o god i am disgusting

i am so depressed

but

u guys can do it

we can do it i promise just

oh god

i am so goddamn worthless 

oh

fuck

*pulls out gun*

i'm sorry guys i can't do this anymore

/alt version where u think everyone else is useless and ur disgusted by them and u pull a gun out and kill them all 

.

she jumps on me

rides me through the park

it's dark

late

quiet

we make funny animal noises

eeeehhaaw eejjijiijiijjiijiji

we're laughing falling

into the grass

rolling kissing

fingering

sucking licking

fucking

until

he comes

bursting out

of the bushes

at least

7 inches

in his hand

penetrates her chest with it

but her titties r so gigantic they protect her heart

i kick him in the head

he's stunned

he drops it

blood pisses out of her tit

she's screaming HELP, HELP

i'm screaming RUN, RUN

he goes down to grab the knife

i go to kick him again

but i slip on the blood

he’s got it now 

he brings it down 

into my chest

into my heart

successfully 

and i let out a cute little fart 

.

after we got drunk

and after we fucked

some dribbled out of her butt

to the bathroom floor

and she slipped

on the jizz

and hit her head and

got knocked out

and like a good boyfriend

I carried her to bed

tucked her in

and let her sleep it off

she wakes up

in the middle of the night

and I ask how she’s feeling

she starts screaming

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

and I try to calm her down but

she pulls a can of mace

from her purse

and sprays my face

and the dog is barking

and biting my ankles

she runs out of the house

screaming

“CALL THE POLICE

HELP

THERE’S AN INTRUDER IN MY HOUSE”

I can hear neighbors opening their doors

and a commotion

dragging the black lab by my ankle

I try to follow her outside

to explain the situation to everyone

and a neighbor has a shotgun

pointed at my chest

I run back inside

then the cops come

kicking down the door

I’m standing with my hands in the air

“GETDOWNGETDOWNGETDOWN”

but the dog doesn’t 

and he gets shot at least 100 times 

but I’m alright

she remembers who I am now

what a day

.

i finger the pretty dead flower on her nightstand 

until it’s a pink dust 

i stare at her corpse 

she's on her stomach on her bed 

her legs are spread 

it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen 

...

i just wish she was still alive

and she loved me back

and wanted me to fuk her 

and `said 'johnny o my gawd 

ur dik is so big and lucious 

o my god i love u johnny

i'm so wet i want u 

make me cum’

but 

u can't always get wut u want